I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
