please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
