i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
