when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
