I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
