He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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