Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
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