I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
