You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
