the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
try to milk me bitch
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
