You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
