just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
