Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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