Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
