Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
