so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I think your dad took our porno
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Randomize
