Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
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