this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
