DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
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