what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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