Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
