sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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