When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
