my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
Randomize
