Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
