The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
