jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
