good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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