i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Randomize
