someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
