I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
