I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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