I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Help. Why am I so naked?
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
