Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
