So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize