Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize