you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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