i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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