A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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