One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
