There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
