omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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