Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
