i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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