i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
