Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
