it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
