I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
