I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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