After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize