The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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