Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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