Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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