Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
