While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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