eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
