Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
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