He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
Randomize
