Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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