I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
