At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
