she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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