we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
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